A Season Lost

I want to start out by saying....whew! I survived. Actually, it wasn't really as bad as that sounds but I fully embrace the fact that I got my butt kicked last week! I offered to babysit Jim and Danielle's kids (Whitney, age 11; Elijah, age 8; Porter, age 6 and Kate age 2 1/2)while they went with the youth in their Stake to a Pioneer Trek. While they pulled handcarts more than 25 miles, slept outside, cooked over a fire, endured the heat and bugs and dealt with hundreds of other people's kids, I hung out with their 4 children. The average person may think I got the better end of the deal. Yes, I believe I did, but I am a little tempted to think I may be wrong!

I picked up the kids after work on Wednesday and brought them to my house. I asked Jim and Danielle to leave the van for me so I didn't have to move car seats and so that I would have room to take more children with me (crazy, I know!). I remember a time in my life that I wouldn't have driven a mini-van if my life depended on it. In fact, I may have even uttered snide remarks about those who "had so many kids" that a van was required just to transport the gang. Please close your eyes and visualize my foot entering my mouth. It was actually quite nice! Plenty of room. Everyone had their own 'space'. It didn't take long for me to quit worrying about any of my friends seeing me in that van. Something of note here....I used to own a van, I drove it proudly and I liked it, so my aversion to driving their van was completely uncalled for.They were sweet enough to fill it up for me and have everything you could ever need while tending their kids, packed in the back. Really, it was a flashback to a scene of what used to be my life.

On the way home, I asked Eli what sounded good for lunch. He said, "Well......generally, we eat macaroni and cheese with hot dogs." Easy enough. "How about dinner, what kinds of things do you like for dinner?" I asked. "We like ramen noodles." He said. I was starting to see a pattern here but decided to check it out anyway.... "How about breakfast?" Without hesitation Eli responded, "Pop Tarts." I tried, unsuccessfully, to quell my laughter.

We pulled into the driveway at home and the kids were so excited to be here. They were so great about helping me unload the van and get things put into the rooms they would occupy. I started their lunch (mac and cheese with hot dogs, homemade mac and cheese!) and tried to keep my eye on them, a task that proved to be much more difficult than I remember! The kids loved the homemade mac and cheese and I was really glad I had made a HUGE amount that could be reheated the next day. We spent the rest of the day trying to find something for them to do. I was starting to think that maybe we should have stayed at their house where their toys and friends were. I was glad to find a stash of toys that I had stored away a long time ago and it seemed to keep them entertained. The Wii was also a lifesaver!

The kids were really looking forward to Thursday as I had planned to take them to the local pool. I had told one of my friends what my plans were and she said, "You're going to take 4 kids to the pool?" I said, "No. I am taking 6 kids to the pool." (remember: van....extra room...you get the idea) I had also invited Rob and Karen's two youngest boys, Tanner (12) and Wyatt (8). We had an absolute blast! Don't get me wrong.....I think I was as tired as the kids were after it was all over, maybe even more! I love the pictures we got at the pool. Hope you all enjoy them too.

Friday we just kind of hung out, took walks, played games, read books, cooked, ate, played some more. Who says stay-at-home moms have it easy? We all crawled in bed around 9:30 PM. Crawled is not an over-exaggeration. You may be thinking, where was Kirk in all of this? Hmmmm.......let's see.....He went motorcycle riding all day Thursday and seemed to keep REALLY busy on Friday. But he totally took it head on Saturday morning. I had another parade and had to be out of the house at 6:00 AM. I didn't get back until almost noon. The kids were alive and well and even quite happy that they had Uncle Kirk all to themselves! I fed the kids and took them to their home to await their parents arrival. It wasn't long before hugs and kisses and squeals of happiness were filling the home as Jim and Danielle returned. I visited for a few minutes and went home. I was so exhausted that it was really all I could do to crawl in bed and go to sleep!

Reflecting on the last few days I have come to realize that I have lost something. There was a season in my life, the one where I was engulfed in the care and keeping of my girls, that is gone. I loved that time. I loved the games Dani and Bryn and I would play. I loved being the 'mom Barbie' as we would play for hours in our Barbie Haven. I loved taking my kids to the pool and to the park. I loved reading them stories every night and having them say..."Just one more page Mom!" I loved helping them discover who they were and where they were going in life. I didn't even mind the difficult times when I had to put them in a time out or ban them from speaking to each other because they had treated each other unkindly, only to find them writing apology notes to each other because they couldn't bear not communicating with their sister. What has happened?

Where did the time go? This seems like a cruel trick. It wasn't long ago that my cousin Claire sent me such a great email about motherhood that was printed in the Washington Post. Let me share it with you:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc.
Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry.
What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . . Okay.
I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny. Or you're lying about having friends with kids. Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them. Internet searches? I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed. So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed,clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head. It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15. It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier. It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense. It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything. It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

This email really made me think about the season in life I am now in.

Here is what I have decided: AAaahhhhhhhhhh....those were the days! Enjoy every backbreaking, eardrum popping, draggin' your butt out of bed for the third time tonight, food in your hair, minute of it!
Unfortunately it ends much too quickly and all that seems to be left is some wonderfully, giggly memories, too much food left after dinner, too much space in the "just big enough" house and so sad "miss you" tears that you wipe away before anyone notices.

I am now moving into the Sunday Dinner Season of motherhood. I do this with my head held high and tissue close by. I don't mind really. Steven, my son-in-law, says it is his favorite day of the week. (Surely he knows I already like him!) But I do love the way he eats what I make and seems to really enjoy it.

Yep. Sunday Dinner Season of motherhood has begun.
What I wouldn't give for a few more Sunday's with me, the girls and our Barbie Haven!
I speak Ken....and his Jeep!